Imagining conversations on the road

A.K.A. Sarah copes with the absurdity of driving in India

Now that we’ve posted some videos of our riding adventures in India, I think it’s time to share a little of what we’re thinking as we go. Both the road itself and the rules-free approach to driving contribute to an experience that is often stressful, frequently absurd, and full of moments of “WTF were they thinking?”. So, I imagined what “they” (both construction works and drivers) might have been thinking. It might not be very accurate, but at least it’s better than shouting “AAHHHHHH WHYYYYY” over and over again.

Most of this applies more to the roads from Delhi to Kashmir than our riding in Ladakh, which has relatively better roads and less traffic than the rest of India. For a refresher on what the rest of India drives like, go back to the scooter video on the Varanasi transportation post, or watch the video at the end of this post.

Imaginary Conversations: Indian Road Engineers

“Good job blasting through that cliff. Nice clean cut. Now call in the paving crew.”

“Shouldn’t we level out the road surface first? It’s still pretty uneven…”

“No, we don’t have the time or money for that. Just pave it over as-is, and let the drivers figure it out. It’s not our job to coddle their car’s suspension.”

“So, you know that stretch of road with the giant boulders perched just over it?”

“Yeah? What about it?”

“D’you think we should do anything about it?”

“Sure, put a 'Beware of falling rocks' sign up and hope nothing bad happens.”

“You mean 'nothing bad' like that time last year when some boulders fell and took out 100 meters of road, and we had to spend three months and tons of money to fix it?”

“Yes, exactly. Hope that doesn’t happen again.”

“Hey, I ran out of guardrail material just before I got to that really sharp blind curve that overlooks a cliff. Could we order some more?”

“Nope, you already used up our guardrail budget on all those straight stretches down near the bottom of the valley.”

“We’ve been told to reduce traffic accidents at this intersection.”

“Well, the road here is actually pretty decent. I’d say most of the traffic accidents occur because people drive like effing maniacs.”

“OK, let’s put up a sign that says “Please Obey Traffic Rules.”

“Will that help?”

“No. But it’ll make me laugh.”

Imaginary Conversations: Indian Drivers

“Oh great, we missed the turn. I think it was that road we passed a half mile ago.”

“It’s OK, just drive in reverse down the middle of this fast, divided highway until we get to it.”

“Hey look! I know that guy coming toward us in the red Maruti. Hold on while I wave him over to chat.”

“Do you think all those other cars will mind if we block the road?”

“I haven’t seen him in over a year! That’s more important than traffic.”

“Oh shit, the engine stopped. I think the spark plugs are all corroded.”

“Ah, sorry, man. Want me to help you push the car out of the road?”

“Why?”

“COW! LOOK OUT!!”

“Look, the road is tell us to be gentle on her curves!”

*giggle*

*giggle giggle*

“Holy shit! That car’s coming straight at us from the wrong side of this divided highway! Look out!”

“You’re not from here, are you.”